Indecent Proposal
by C-Jay CD
Summary: Starts after the bonfire in Eclipse and then takes a different turn. Bella gives a part of herself to her best friend that can't be reclaimed. This act alone is sure to have a knock on effect, she will find friends, love and loss. But even when things seem okay, Bella has demons she can't escape and enemies that just won't let her live, when all she really wants is that; to live.
1. Make The First Move

**A/N: This picks up page 231 in **_**Eclipse**_**, from there I've changed things around.**

**Not Beta'd, mistakes are mine.**

**Disclaimer: everything recognisable belongs to SM.**

**Enjoy :)**

"_C'mon Bells," Jacob said in my ear. "We're here."_

I groan and burrow deeper into the car seat. We couldn't have been driving for that long, five minutes maybe and I had already fallen asleep. The stories of magic had put me into a sombre yet mellow mood. Billy's soothing voice making me sleepy yet alert until he had finished the last tale. Now I truly needed some sleep to digest the legends.

Somebody – presumably Jake – lifts me from me from the car and starts walking. I crack and eye open slightly and glance up at him, he smiles down at me briefly and then carries on towards his house. I frown, "Jake, why are we at your place, I thought you were gonna take me home?"

He shrugs, "You were asleep, Charlie came down after his shift and they broke out the hard stuff, he's wasted and he asked if you could stay here."

"Oh," I say, too tired to say much more. My eyelids drift shut once more as I give in to the drowsiness and relax completely.

"You can take my bed."

I inhale sharply at the sound of his voice as it pulls me back from the brink of sleep and blink my eyes open again, "Where are you gonna sleep?" Jake shrugs again as we pass Billy's closed door, soft snoring can be heard from behind it.

"Don't worry about me Bells," he murmurs against my hairline. He makes his way through the kitchen and towards his bedroom, he holds me closer, balancing me and then pushes his door open with his free hand. "Okay, I'm just gonna set you down here." He pulls back the sheets and settles me onto the bed.

I stare up at him groggily as he stands at the foot of the bed, he looks conflicted for a moment but then sighs, scratching his head and goes to make his way out.

"Jake?" I ask softly and he turns back towards me.

I shoot him a small smile and then hold up my right foot, "Can you take my shoes off?"

He huffs out a laugh and then kneels at the foot of the bed, "Sure thing, your highness," I detect a hint of sarcasm in his voice and giggle. I reach behind me for a pillow and throw it at him. He drops my foot from where he was undoing my laces and catches it and then throws it aside.

"I think you should be more thankful Bells, after all braver men have shied away from your… smelly feet." I gasp and he laughs, once again lifting my foot and pulling off the shoe. Offended, I try to pull back my foot but he grips it fast. His warm fingers circle my ankle firmly and he dips his index finger under my stripy sock, "What about these?"

I shake my head and lean up on my elbows, "Don't you dare Jacob Black!"

He glances up at me, a devilish smirk lighting up his beautiful face, "Or what? You're in my bed Bells, I can do whatever I like."

The mood in the room shifts dramatically with that one sentence. I blanch as my eyes search his, and then blush tomato red. He inhales sharply and then closes his eyes, I'm intrigued by the look on his face, he looks frustrated and pained, yet… aroused.

I hold back my gasp and flush, his eyes snap open and regard me intently before he shakes his head and the reaches for my other foot. He pulls off my Converse and drops them to the floor and then, despite my protests pulls off my socks.

He then lifts the covers and places them over me, tucking them around me, his lips quirk and I smile softly and reach one hand up to stroke back his hair. His eyes snap to mine, "'Night Jake."

"Yeah, 'night."

Jake rises and goes to walk away again and I realise I don't want him to. The look he gave me before, that heated gaze has me feeling things that I know I shouldn't. I don't want our time tonight to end just like this.

"Jake?" I ask again.

He clears his throat, "Yeah?"

"You don't have to sacrifice your bed for me, you know. We can share." I turn onto my side, facing the wall quickly so I don't catch the expression on his face. I scoot over, leaving enough space for him to climb in behind me and then close my eyes and wait. I leave it up to him to decide whether he accepts or rejects my invitation.

It's silent behind me, the tension in the room becoming thicker and thicker, he sighs a couple times and I clench my eyes shut. Minutes pass and nothing happens, for a moment I think that he may have left the room but then the bed dips behind me.

My heart stutters for a moment and then picks up in rhythm, pounding faster against my chest. I mentally berate myself. Jake was my best friend, god knows I wouldn't be feeling like this if I was sharing a bed with Alice.

I turn on my other side facing him, he's lying on his back, arms folded beneath his head. He glances at me from the corner of his eyes and shoots me a small smile, "Sleep honey." He commands softly. I nod and then scoot a fraction closer.

"Can I?"

Jake nods, I move closer and rest my head on his bicep, I stretch out beside him, the length of my body one with his and place one hand on his chest where I can feel his heart. I scrunch my hand in the fabric, pressing firmly and marvel at the feeling of his pectoral muscles bunching beneath it.

I am slightly in awe, obviously I have never slept with anyone with a beating heart, the feelings are alien but they induce butterflies in my stomach and for this I feel… normal. _This is how things are supposed to be. _My eyes widen and I banish the treacherous thought, chasing it away with thoughts of the cool, solid arms of my beloved.

"You having fun down there, honey?"

I blush and clear my throat, "Uh, Jake?"

"Hmm?"

"Did you call Edward?"

He freezes under my touch. I glance up at him and he's frowning, "No. I figured since your _father _was okay with you spending the night here, I didn't have to answer to anybody else."

I go to retort in anger but then stop myself. He was right of course, if Charlie was okay with this, then it was fine. But still, I knew Edward would worry. I let out a breath and try force myself to feel the calm I felt only moments ago. I look up at Jake through my eyelashes, he's completely still, his chest rising and falling at intervals underneath me. He looks so serene and at peace. I wonder briefly if it's my presence that has done that for him.

He brings down his left hand and wraps it around my body pulling me closer to his side. I try to get into a comfortable position and end up with my head on his chest and my left arm resting lightly on his stomach.

To me this felt nice. Again, I had never been in this sort of position with a person before and I was relishing in the feelings of being so intimate yet in a completely innocent position. I close my eyes and snuggle deeper into him, burying my face into his chest and… _oh!_

_Oh my gosh!_

_Was that…_

A firm, steady beating sounds beneath my ear where my head is placed on his chest; his heart. I gasp and press closer still, holding my own breath and listening to the beat of Jake's heart.

Without a doubt it is the most beautiful sound I have heard in a while, I felt so… raw. This was the part of him that he claimed I owned and I was so close to it now. I turn my face a little so my lips brush where I can hear his heart and then press firmer, kissing him there.

A breath escapes Jake and I glance up at him, he stares down at me through hooded eyes, "What are you doing, Bells?" He asks in a husky whisper, I shiver slightly.

I lift my face off of his chest and look at him, "I- uh… I was just- it's your heartbeat." I say, by a way of explanation. He raises a brow at me and I huff, "I can hear it when I press my head against you and it's… new. I've never slept with anyone like this before."

He tilts his head and I blush, "I can't explain it Jake, but maybe…"

I sit up on my knees and then move so I'm resting back against the head board, "C'mere Jake." I say and then open my arms. He sits up too and then slides down a little until his face is level with my chest. I nod at him and he moves towards me, resting his temple on my collarbone.

He's quiet for a moment. I bring my arms up around him, one holding onto his shoulder and the other stroking through the hair at the back of his head. He shifts, skimming my collar with his nose and then heated breath coats my neck. I gasp and jump a little at the unfamiliar feeling but relax again, "Do you hear it?" I ask in a whisper.

"Honey I could hear it if you were on the other side of the house," he murmurs. I frown and go to pull away but he holds me fast.

"Can I kiss you?" I rest my chin on top of his head and hesitantly nod, I feel him smile against me, "S'only fair I suppose."

His warm fingers trace the line where my shirt meets skin, dipping beneath and skimming my collar every now and then. Slowly he begins to lower my shirt on the left side. I hold my breath and he leans forward and ever so gently kisses the skin there.

I gasp at the feeling of his soft, wet lips pressing there and my eyes snap open. "Jake." I breathe.

"Hmm?" he breathes against the skin, sending warm air down my shirt, making me tingle all over.

He breaks out of my arms and lies down on his side and then pulls me down next to him so we are facing each other.

Jake rests up on his elbow and stares down at me, I can't even begin to comprehend the look in his eyes. Slowly he starts to lean down bringing his face closer to mine and making his intention clear.

Even as my heart raced I shook my head trying to stop his advance, "Jake I can't!" I whisper-shout but he just holds a finger to my lips. He then traces the same finger along my bottom lip, pulling it free from the constraints of my teeth.

"I asked before, and you said yes."

"But Jake!" I whine, still trying to keep my voice low and trying to discourage him. Yes, I had agreed for him to kiss me but that was on my heart, and not my lips! "No…"

His hand grips my chin, holding me in place and he stares into my eyes, there's a burning fire within his. "Yes," he says and then presses his lips to mine. My eyes are wide open and I gasp, Jake takes advantage of this and pulls my bottom lip into his mouth and sucking gently. It feels so foreign, I have never been kissed like this before. Never. And yet suddenly it doesn't feel enough. Suddenly, I need more.

I moan quietly and return the kiss hesitantly, Jake pulls back a little and nips at my lip, I gasp again. I certainly have never had _that_ done to me before. His tongue swipes across my lips, soothing the pain and then probes a little further.

My mouth opens, allowing him access and he groans, sliding his tongue against mine. The hand that had been holding my chin slides up my cheek and then he thrusts it into my hair, tangling it there and pulling me closer. My own hands find purchase on his chest and slide up towards his neck where they curl against his collar.

He pulls back for breath, which I am grateful for and gulp in a lungful of air myself. I'm not brave enough to open my eyes however, I leave them closed. His lips find mine again, he kisses me chastely, once, twice, our lips making soft smacking sounds and then he moves up and places a soft kiss on my forehead.

Jake's hand loosens in my hair and instead he strokes it back. I finally open my eyes, my chest heaving as I find his gaze. "Hey." He says simply.

I can't help but smile at this, even though it comes off as more of a grimace. The weight of what I've just done crushing the happiness and content I was feeling moments ago.

"Bells?" my eyes flicker to his, "I wanna do that again, can I?"

I swallow thickly and shake my head, "N-no, Jake, I-"

He doesn't listen, just moves closer once again and rolls us slightly so he's hovering over me. His lips descend on mine and I let out a whimper and he kisses me. Tears escape my eyes and make their way down my cheeks. He pulls back and frowns.

"Don't Bells. Don't over think this. It's you and me, Jake and Bells. Please, just give me this?"

Jake stares imploringly down at me and I sniffle, "Love you," he mouths at me. I bring my hands up to wipe my cheeks and then lean up on my elbows.

"Okay." I whisper and then crush my lips to his.

We kiss, slow and sweet, he rests his weight on his elbows and all other thoughts escape my mind. I reach up and cup his face in my hands, my fingers shadowing the slight stubble there. We continue like this, just getting to know each other this way.

Jake's legs nudges mine and I feel comfortable and brave enough to part my legs slightly and let his rest between mine. He settles a little more of his weight on me and I can't deny it feels heavenly. I'm hot, burning warm with his body covering mine, but I don't mind. I wouldn't want to be any other way. I move my hands up through his silky hair, relishing in the feeling of the beautiful strands softness against my fingers.

He pulls away again and stares down at me, he's breathing heavily too. "Can I take off your shirt, Bells?"

I blush and bite my lip but nod anyway, he was so sweet for asking. But…

This was wrong. Of course it was wrong. He had feelings for me that I didn't return and I was going along with this, essentially stringing him along. Not to mention I was going behind Edward's back.

Hot fingers brushing my stomach jump me from my thoughts, my eyes flicker to Jake's as his hand rises higher and higher beneath my shirt. Slowly, he brushes my ribcage, I shiver at the almost ticklish feeling and a tiny smile forms on my face. He responds with a beautiful smile of his own and that alone is enough to make the decision for me; I would go along with this. My inner confliction needed to be sorted and going through with this was one way to see if I could live without my sun for the rest of my life.

With that in mind I nod again and Jake removes his hand and then brings it up to slowly unbutton my shirt. He swallows and looks up at me, my shirt is undone but for the most part I am still covered. "Are you sure, honey?"

I stare up at him, meeting his obsidian gaze, marvelling at the utter adoration I find there. Tears spring in my eyes once more but for a completely different reason.

I love him.

I love my beautiful best friend more than words can describe. So much so that words were failing me and I felt like I was choking on them. He wipes my tears away and kisses my nose, I almost sob at the tender action.

A part of me knew he was asking if I was sure about more than just him seeing me without a shirt. Within a heartbeat the decision is made. I realise I want to share this with my best friend. I deserve at least this human experience and I wanted it to be a truly human experience.

"Of course Jake." I whisper.

Of course I was ready to give this part of myself away to him; I loved him.

**A/N: Review if you like :)**


	2. Give Myself To You

**A/N: Thank you to all my Reviewers, for your lovely comments! And the Alerts! They make my day!**

**Mistakes are mine, not Beta'd.**

**((Remember that this is fiction, safe sex always in RL kids.))**

**Enjoy :)**

_Previously…_

_A part of me knew he was asking if I was sure about more than just him seeing me without a shirt. Within a heartbeat the decision is made. I realise I want to share this with my best friend. I deserve at least this human experience and I wanted it to be a truly human experience._

"_Of course Jake." I whisper._

_Of course I was ready to give this part of myself away to him; I loved him._

He swallows thickly, his Adam's apple bobbing. I hold my breath but marvel silently at that feature that made him so male and so… sexy. Jake parts my shirt with short calculated movements. He knows me better than anyone and is obviously aware of all the insecurities running through my mind right now. _Oh god… what did he think? Did he like me? Am I wearing a decent bra? Am I even _wearing_ a bra?!_

"Honey," he whispers and I unclench my eyes. To give him credit he's not staring openly at my chest, but gazing lovingly into my eyes.

"Hmm?" I try to ask but it comes out as more of a terrified whisper.

He smiles softly and reassuringly down at me, "You're beautiful." I flush all the way down to my exposed chest but I don't feel embarrassed any longer. I _feel_ beautiful and wanted and loved.

"You too," I mouth to him and he grins and leans down to kiss me. I grasp his shoulders and hold him to me, opening my mouth in a now familiar fashion and sliding my tongue against his. His hand once again moves up my torso, the softest of touches sending shivers all over my body. His hand reaches the underside of my bra and I tense slightly.

Jake pulls back and gazes down at me, he then dips and kisses the hollow of my neck. My eyes flutter shut at the feeling of his warm lips caressing my skin. His lips trail up, finding my pulse point and he sucks lightly there.

I can't help it. It feels so good, I arch up trying to bring myself closer to him and effectively push my breast into his hand. I moan quietly as he squeezes gently. I manage to open my eyes half way to find Jake watching me, his lips having abandoned my neck moments ago.

He flexes his hand again and I whimper, "So fucking _beautiful."_ He whispers. I arch up again and he gets the message bringing his long fingers down between the valley of my breasts. He lowers his mouth towards my chest and I stop breathing.

His heated gaze flickers up to mine, burning with lust but also silently asking me; part hormone-crazed teenage boy and half my best friend who loved me.

I nod and his head dips down again, I close my eyes as his lips brush the tops of my breasts; it tickles. I squirm and push my hips up only to find my lower half brushing against something long and hard. Jake inhales sharply and for a moment I think I've hurt him, until it dawns on me…

_Oh my!_

Jake's jaw is clenched as he stares down at me, I flush but hold his gaze. I feel emboldened that I had stirred that reaction within him. "Can I take this off?" he whispers huskily, whilst sliding his fingers under the strap of my bra and stroking the skin there.

"Y-yeah," my shaky voice answers him; _oh god, I really hoped he liked me!_

He pecks my nose and crashes his lips to mine, effectively distracting me as his hands roam my stomach, my breasts and then one hands moves underneath me and I feel the clasp give way. Jake pulls back and slides the bra off of me. He stares down at me and the urge to cover myself has me removing my hands from Jake's shoulders to do just that.

"No!" Jake almost yells and grabs both my wrists in his. He winds my arms around his neck and then lets them go. I push my hands into his hair and he groans softly.

He glides his body down, sliding his chest against mine, "Oh, Jake!" I murmur breathlessly. His shirt feels soft against my skin. His lips descend on my chest, raining butterfly kisses there and then his tongue glides between the valley of my breasts, sucking and kissing me in foreign yet beautiful ways.

I don't want him to stop.

My hands move down to his shoulders and I push against him. He stops his ministrations to bring his face level with mine. He's panting, his full lips parted and moist, I groan at the sight and he smiles, and brings up a hand to stroke my hair back, "What is it, honey?"

"S'not fair." I mumble.

His brow furrows but he gazes at me amusedly, "What's not fair?"

"You're still wearing your shirt."

"Oh…" he lifts his head in understanding and then sits back on his haunches. In a swift movement he rips off his tee shirt and drops it to the floor next to my shirt and bra. I marvel at the definitions and indentations of his torso and sit up. He relaxes under my gaze, completely confident in his skin.

I move so that I'm on my knees too and we're facing each other and then hesitantly bring my hand up and rest it over his heart. His eyes close and he lets out a breath he seemed to be holding, but other than that he stays completely still, and lets me explore him.

His pecks bunch under my ministrations as I bring my other hand up to rest on his chest. Enthralled by his reaction to me I scrape my nails lightly down his chest and abs watching as the muscles jump underneath the skin, "Bells…" Jake groans out, his voice sounding like liquid chocolate.

I decide that I like having this kind of power over him and do it again. Something catches my eye. The large bulge in his cut-offs becomes increasingly hard to ignore. I move forward on my knees some more and place open mouthed kisses on his chest. I move lower, licking his delicious abs and enjoying the breathy, aroused sounds that pour from his mouth. I move back so once again just my hands are touching him.

I'm trailing my fingers from hip to hip now, along the waist band of his shorts, "Bella?" he asks in a voice I don't recognise.

"Hmm?"

"I want you, honey."

My gaze flickers to his and he freezes. I can tell that he's internally kicking himself. Mentally trying to take back what he said in fear that he'd ruined the moment and I'd pull away now.

With calculated movements I lean in and press a loud wet kiss to his lips, successfully distracting him. His hands tangle in my hair holding me to him and then I reach down and slowly trace the hard shape in his pants. He grunts against me and his hips snap forward so that I'm cupping him. He groans, loudly in my ear and kisses neck, sucking the skin there.

I give an experimental flex of my hand and his hips jut forward again, "Fuck, honey!" he bites down on the juncture of my neck and I gasp into his ear. It's not enough, I can feel my arousal, feel how wet I am; I want more.

"Jake?" I ask and pull back, removing my hand and hold his shoulders.

"Yeah Bells? You wanna stop?"

I shake my head and blush under his scrutinizing gaze, "C-can I s-see you?"

He freezes and I instantly regret asking until his hands come up to cup my cheeks, he kisses me soundly not having to say anything; I already have my answer.

He keeps kissing me and even when we need to breathe he breaks away only to lavish my neck and breasts with attention, before trailing his lips back to mine and taking them in sweet, gentle kisses. His hands grab mine from his shoulders and move them down his torso to the waistband of his shorts.

I take in a shaky breath and he kisses me, claiming my mouth with his tongue before leaving my hands there and tangling his once again in my hair.

Tentatively I stroke his arousal through his cut-offs like I did before, his forehead drops to my shoulder and he groans mumbling something about 'fucking torture' and then begins sucking my neck.

My fingers find the button on his shorts and fumble for a moment until I pop it. I can hear each catch on the zipper as I lower it. We both seem to have stopped breathing. I trail my hands around to his ass and squeeze it firmly before slipping my hands into the backs of his shorts and digging my nails into his cheeks.

Commando. He was obviously commando. Just the thought made the muscles deep in my belly clench deliciously. I lower his shorts this way, until they're halfway down his ass and then skim my hand to the front again.

His member is freed from the constraints of his pants and as I stare down at him I can't help but notice he is impressively – if not dauntingly scary – large. I find Jake's eyes and he lets out a heated breath. I peck his lips and then move my hand.

Slowly I trail my index finger along the length of the underside of his arousal. He inhales and my eyes flicker to his. He has them clenched shut in what almost seems like pain; but I know better. I trail my finger from base to tip, circle the head and then grip him firmly. He draws out a pained moan. My other hand rests on his shoulder.

"Jake?"

"Yeah?" he moans out.

"Show me how… please…"

His eyes snap open and flicker down to where I'm holding him, I flex my grip and he clenches his jaw and then finds my gaze once more. He cups my face in one hand and pecks my nose and then brings the other down to join mine around his member. His hand closes tighter over mine, forcing me to feel him better, soft velvet over steel and then he glides our joined hands towards the base. Back and forth, back and forth our hands trail but he never lets his gaze waver from mine.

I kiss him, just a tiny kiss to the corner of his mouth, I can't help it, and this felt so intimate; too intimate. I felt like I was gonna explode from the feelings he was inducing inside of me.

"B-Bells, ugh!" he whimpers, I smile at his expression, so aroused, so in love; so very much My Jake.

His hand leaves mine to hold my hip and he squeezes, his huge hand branding me. I falter for a moment but then keep up my languid strokes. His hand on my hips moves down the seam of my jeans and then he's cupping me, the friction feels delicious and before I know it, I'm rocking my hips, trying to find some release.

Jake's hand removes mine from his length though he continues to rub me through my jeans, I blink up at him, afraid that I've done something wrong. He shakes his head.

"No, honey it was amazing, it's just, you know… not fair."

I frown for a moment until I realise what he means and then I nod. He helps me stand at the edge of the bed and then unbuttons my jeans. He lowers them past my butt and gives it an appreciative squeeze and a quick swat. I jump and he chuckles. I mock glare at him and move back, finishing stripping myself off my jeans and then just go ahead and remove my panties too.

Meanwhile, Jake has busied himself taking off his cut-offs.

He holds a hand out to help me back onto the bed and then freezes. He's checking me out. I know I should feel embarrassed because this is my first time naked with anyone but I don't. His heated gaze turns me on in ways I didn't know a simple stare could until today.

"Honey?" he rasps out, sounding a little choked.

I lift my head and take his hand, he pulls me closer and holds my hips whilst leaning on the bed, "You are so fucking beautiful, did you know that?"

His piercing gaze shines with sincerity and I flush. He chuckles, "We do all that and now you're blushing on me?" Of course my blush darkens, "You're too cute Bells. I love you."

I clear my throat, "I love you too."

He grins, wide and it puts all my negative feelings to ease. In a lightening move we are once again laying on the bed, me on my back beneath Jake. His hand trails from the hollow of my neck, down between my breasts and towards my sex. I can feel his erection at my hip.

His finger finds the wetness there and I instantly freeze, "Relax." He murmurs against my lips and then nips at my bottom lips before soothing it with his tongue. He moves his finger up, spreading the wetness to my… _"Oh my! Jake!" _

"You okay, honey?"

"Yeah…" I drag the word out in a long moan, feeling incredibly wanton as he works my body to the ultimate goal. As he inserts a finger inside of me, I grasp both his upper arms and squeeze, "Jake!" He pushes in and out watching me with aroused fascination, when I begin to relax and just feel, he slowly adds another finger.

He works me to some kind of edge, one that I have never experience before but was so close to falling off of. This was so much better that cliff diving! I feel myself tighten around him and then I open my eyes frantically searching his, "S-stop!"

Jake pulls out of me and I whimper, "What Bells? What happened? Are you okay?!"

I gulp in a massive breath of air and nod as tears swim in my eyes, "N-no more! Just you" I- I want you… inside."

His eyes widen but he nods and then leans down to kiss me into a state of utter relaxation. With my tethered nerves settled I instantly focus on nothing but him. He circles my nub before moving that hand to his own arousal and pumping a few times.

Leaning up on one elbow and holding his weight off of me, he begins to lower his hips to mine. I feel the blunt tip of his erection probing me and I tense slightly, "Honey?"

"Hmm?" in this moment I don't recognise my own voice.

"Are you sure?"

"Mmhmm."

"Okay," he kisses me. Coaxing my tongue to dance with his and then he pushes into me. I gasp and break away from his kiss to gaze up at him. His eyes are clenched shut and he seems to be mumbling to himself and then his eyes open and find mine. He swallows thickly and moves a little further into me. I gasp again but this time slightly in pain; I feel stretched.

The muscle in his jaw ticks as his hand come up to stroke my cheek, "You okay?"

"Y-yeah, just keep going."

He nods and I cup his face bringing down for a kiss whilst he starts up a rhythm of slow and shallow thrusts.

Eventually the pain starts to ebb away and I relax fully until he pushes further coming up against my barrier, "Bells?" he breathes.

"Do it Jake. I want it to be you."

That's all the encouragement he needs. He kisses me, tangling his tongue with mine and pulls all the way out and then snaps his hips forward in one clean stroke. I break away from his kiss and bite down on his shoulder trying to will the tears away. The pain in the tenderest of areas clouding all my thoughts. I vaguely notice his thumb circling my clit, trying to coax me from the pain, "So fucking tight. So beautiful…" is all I can hear Jake mumbling.

I whimper and hold onto his upper arms so tightly, I'm for a moment afraid that I might be hurting him. His big hand moves up stroke back my hair, "You- uh… you okay, Bells?" I can tell he's trying hard not to move. The hand that was stroking my hair, now comes down to wipe away a lone tear I had no idea escaped.

Blinking my eyes open, I search for his. They're tight with emotion, something close to awe staring back at me. I nod at him and then sit up on my elbows to kiss him. The change in position causes him to move inside of me. I freeze and whimper, it still hurt but there was something underneath that. Another feeling; one that I could find myself getting addicted to

I swallow thickly, it's so quiet that both of us actually hear it.

"Jake?"

"Yeah honey?" he breathes out.

"I feel good…"

He grins down at me, "_I knew that I would… so good… so good-"_

I gasp and slap his arm lightly, "We're in this position, in this moment, and _you're singing to me?!"_

He chuckles and lands a kiss on my lips, "C'mon Bells, you have to admit it made you smile. Yeah, maybe right now wasn't the right moment, but I was just trying to distract you from this." He rocks his hips, making me gasp and whimper and sending tiny little electric shocks through my body.

"Feel good now honey?"

"Nuh uh… feels perfect…" I half moan out and rock my hips against his, as the pain ebbs away and all that is left is an utter _need _for this man inside of me.

He plants a kiss on my forehead, nose, cheeks and finally lips, "Perfect, like you."

He tries a shallow thrust, I grasp onto his shoulders but nod for him to carry on. "You too Jake, you too…" the last word is dragged out into a moan as he picks up the pace, going deeper and deeper.

"H-honey…" he moans.

We move like this for minutes on end, I can't count how many. Soon he's buried fully within me, pulling all the way out and pushing all the way in, hitting every nerve ending until I'm on fire. My thighs begin to shake, I cup Jake's face in between my hands and kiss him.

He moans into my mouth which I swallow greedily, I can feel myself coming closer to the edge, almost ready to fall.

I can feel Jake nearing his release too. His lips burn patterns on my neck and chest and every other time his lips touch me, he bites down as if unable to help himself. His thrusts become jerkier but I still meet each one of them with my own. I am surprised at my own stamina.

"B-Bells…" he groans against me.

"Uh… huh?" I pant.

"I- I'm gonna come honey. Fuck! So… close…" the last word he whispers into my ear like a promise.

I nod as his eyes find mine, "Me too… I just need…" I needed something, I couldn't explain it, I just needed _something._

He lands a sweet kiss on my lips, "I know baby, I know."

And then his hand moved from my hip to my sex, his finger circling my clit sending vibrations throughout my body. I tighten around him even more, "Fuck!" he grinds out and then; I'm falling.

In the distance I can hear the pathetic wail of a moan which I know is coming from me. Black spots and stars cloud my vision as I try desperately to come down from this euphoric high. I'm panting, chanting Jake's name like a mantra. He thrusts a few more times and then stills fusing his hips to mine and grunting out my name as I feel hot liquid coat my insides where we are joined. He joins me in ecstasy as I feel more of the liquid inside of me add as he continues to thrust.

I relish in feeling so much like I belong with him, so connected with this shared time of ours. So close… so intimate… so right.

He drops his forehead to mine and stares into my eyes, taking in shuddering breaths, I'm still trying to catch my own, even though by some great divine providence I am no longer panting.

Jake kisses me briefly, his hips still making tiny thrusting movements. "Bells?"

"Yeah?" I whisper as suddenly I feel overwhelmed and tears start to form.

"That was… wow. I love you honey. So goddamn much. So much."

I nod and say, "Love you too," as the tears start to fall.

He frowns and brings a hand up to wipe them away, "Then what's wrong?" Fear coats his expression. "Did I hurt you?!"

I shake my head but this only allows more tears to fall free, "N-no…" I sob.

He cups my face, forcing me to meet his eyes, "Then what?" he says, his voice still soft, yet a serious note behind it.

I hold his wrists in my hands and stroke the skin there, "I-it's just that this was s-so perfect. A-and I love y-you so m-much and I- … I just feel so-" I cut myself off with a hiccup and the blush. How could I possibly be acting so whiney and needy after what I had given away to the man I loved. I sniffle and then cringe at the unattractive sound that makes.

"Honey?"

My eyes flicker to Jake's, he's staring down at me with affectionate amusement, "C'mere Bells," and then he pulls out of me, and another hiccup escapes me. Gah, I feel so embarrassed.

He holds me to him and then rolls us so that I'm cradled against his chest with my head on his chest. He leans down and kisses the crown of my head. I finally force myself to stop crying and marvel at his heart beat for the second time tonight.

"It's yours honey, you know that."

My breath catches at him simple declaration, I tip my head to meet his gaze.

"Thank you for tonight, it was perfect; you're perfect."

He smiles down at me, that smile that he seems to reserve only for me.

"You too honey. You're perfect… for me. Love you."

"Love you too," I mumble and then promptly pass out from the exhaustion of part-taking in the only exercise I'd done since… ever.

**A/N: Review if you like :) … though I'm not opposed to begging. Please, please, please tell me what you thought! I feel like this was my first well accomplished Jake and Bella lemon, (I think it is actually the first JxB lemon I've written) and I need your thoughts, people! Was it good, bad, horrific? ****Did I pull it off, was it what you hoped it would be?!**


	3. Break Me By Sunrise

**A/N: Thank you for your awesome Reviews and Alerts, they mean a lot to me.**

**Not Beta'd, mistakes are mine.**

**A lot of you picked up on the absence of a condom. I'm gonna keep quiet about that until the drama unfolds, I don't want to ruin anything that may or may not happen.**

**Enjoy :)**

_Jake moved inside of me at a languid pace._

_I grasped his shoulders, fusing my mouth to his as we swallowed each other's moans. I was so close._

"_B-Bells, ugh!" he moaned into my ear, gently sucking on the lobe. My eyes snapped open as I gasped and stared up at my ceiling- wait! My ceiling?!_

_I lower my gaze to glance around the room and sure enough we were in my bedroom. I take in the familiar surroundings coming up to the chair in the corner and then stop breathing._

_Edward is sat there, his head slumped and his face contorted in misery. My heart pounds unhealthily as Jake continues to pump in and out of me; this was _so _wrong!_

"_How could you do this?" I hear his velvet voice murmur._

"_E-Edward!" I gasp out, "S-stop Jacob!" I try desperately to push at his shoulders as Edward rises and makes his way to my window. Somehow I think that Jacob is deaf, because he hears none of my protests._

"_Goodbye, my love… forever."_

"_No!" I whimper. "No, no, no, no, no…"_

I start awake, gasping for breath and clutching the sheet to my chest. My worst fear – Edward leaving me - being played in my dreams jerking me from my peaceful slumber. I pant wildly, taking in my surroundings as my left hand braces on my chest where my heart is pounding frantically.

I'm in Jake's room; why am I in Jake's room?

Oh god! I'm naked.

I stretch out my legs and then flinch at the pinching ache between my legs. With a sudden realisation, my eyes widen in horror as I gape at the wall in front of me. Flashes of the night before run through my mind, warming me and scaring me at the same time.

_Oh my fucking god! What the fuck?! No! No, no, no, no! Fuck! _

Briefly I marvel at my use of that foul language; Paul would be so proud.

Oh. My. Gosh.

I had had sex with Jake… I had lost my virginity.

Bella Swan was no longer a virgin.

I drop my face into my hands as the first of the sobs wrack my body. Tears fall like a torrent down my cheeks which burn with shame.

How could I have done this? How could I have led him on so much, allowed him to take things that far? Allowed myself to hurt Edward in the worst possible way?!

_Oh gosh!_

Edward! He was never going to forgive me. I was never going to forgive myself. How could I-

I cut myself off and instantly force my mind to go blank. I swallow and shakily rise from the bed with the covers around me, wincing as I go and hold onto the matrass for balance. I tie the sheets around me so they cover me fully and then work on organising my next step so as to keep myself from going insane.

My clothes are strewn in the same way since I had allowed them to be taken off. A sob builds in my throat but I cut myself off, almost choking in the process. I bend at the waist, wincing as I do and gather my clothes. Jake's shirt is still there but his shorts are missing along with him.

Wait. Where was Jake?

My eyes scan the room for him. Of course it's ridiculous, because if he was here I wouldn't be in this position, I would be breaking his heart and he would be pretty upset. My eyes fall on the crumpled sheets, a tiny blood stain stares back at me, taunting the unfortunate nature of my life.

Or maybe I _was_ fortunate, and I was just being ungrateful.

As I remove the dirty sheets from his bed my mind replays the whole scene last night. A deep warmth starts in my belly as tears once again tumble down my cheeks.

It had been… perfect. There was no other way to describe it. I had never put much thought into how my first time would go down (with Jake I had never even imagined it) but it was more than I could have hoped for. I briefly wonder if that was Jake's first time too.

The thought makes me frown in jealousy. He did seem to know what he was doing, and trying to focus on me too rather than just getting off. I roll my eyes at the violent thoughts towards some nameless, faceless girl that had stolen Jake's virginity.

I sigh at myself and lift the sheets, my clothes and Jake's shirt and make my way into the kitchen. I listen for a moment; Billy is still snoring away.

Good.

I didn't need his judgemental eyes on me, telling me what a mistake I had made, I knew it already. My heart flinches when I call my time with Jake a mistake. I frown but move on towards the tiny laundry room.

I put the load into the machine and start it up and then grab some fresh sheets. I try to move around quickly but the annoying achy throb between my legs doesn't allow me to do that. I stop in the kitchen, fresh sheets in hand, and pop two Advil from the medicine cabinet and then make my way back to Jake's room.

Changing the sheets was easy; mechanical, something that didn't require thought.

But the thoughts came anyway. I sob quietly as I rummage through his drawers. I figure we were close enough now that he wouldn't mind. I find some old boxers, a shirt and some sweats that I knew would no longer fit his large frame and sneak towards the bathroom.

Once inside I flip on the light, focusing on my actions and getting to the shower so I could lose myself under the spray. I use Jake's toothbrush and thoroughly wash my face. As I run the shower, the pangs start. I carefully sit on the toilet and relieve myself, wincing as I do. Damn. Sex was painful.

I wipe at myself and then flush. I rinse my hands and then gather Jake's towel and take it to the edge of the tub. I drop the sheets and climb gingerly into the bath and then move towards the spray.

It's set too hot but right now, I don't care. The water cascades around me, tumbling over my aching limbs and sweaty hair, scalding and refreshing in the same moment.

Only when I'm completely submerged under the spray, do I let the sobs wrack me. I brace my hands on the wall in front of me as my body shakes violently. So many emotions are coursing through me, confusing me.

Regret, anger, sadness, love and the most dominant; shame.

My thoughts consume me.

Edward. My beautiful, sweet, patient boyfriend. The love of my life, the one man who I was willing to give everything up for. The one man who could hurt me worse than anyone, simply by walking out of my life.

And I had given him reason enough too.

How could I have been so reckless, with his heart, with Jake's, with my own?

Another sob wracks my body. I shake and take in a shuddering breath.

Jacob. My passionate best friend. Who cared more about saving my pathetic life than protecting his own beautiful heart and soul. The one who I had given a part of myself too in the most intimate way.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't break his heart and tell him it was a mistake. I couldn't tell him that I regretted last night and I still loved Edward and that it changed nothing. I just couldn't.

But I had too.

I had to be a grown up about this. I had to come to terms with my mistake and deal with the consequences. I just hoped that both men would be somewhat… understanding, or at least give me a chance to explain myself.

Grabbing the bar of soap I hesitantly reach out for the nearest washcloth. I bring it to my face and inhale.

Oh yeah… definitely Jake's.

I lather up the washcloth and run it gingerly over my body. I sniffle and wince as I clean between my legs. Damn, why the hell was the Advil taking so long to work it's medicine magic?!

Swiping my cheeks with the backs of my hands, I drop the washcloth and step under the spray to rinse off my body. I turn up the heat and let it burn my skin until I can't take it anymore and then I turn off the water. I stand there for a moment longer just to catch my breath. I can barely breathe. My throat is raw and my face no doubt blotchy, snot and tears running down my red cheeks.

Shakily I reach for the towel and step out of the tub. I wipe the steam off of the mirror with the towel and stare at my body.

Tiny pink marks, obviously from Jake's teeth, mark my neck and the tops of my breasts. I touch one with the tip of my index finger and wince. I lower my gaze down my torso, bruises are strategically place along my hips and thighs from where he held me too tightly; funny, I didn't seem to mind too much in the moment. Heat licks up my spine but I beat it down, forcing myself to ignore the feelings coursing through me.

I rub myself dry – carefully – so as to not brush against the brandings of Jake's mouth and hands. I dress quickly in Jake's clothes and then exit the bathroom. I stop again on my way to the kitchen to find that Billy is still asleep. I pad quietly into the kitchen, intent on settling my queasy stomach.

The wash is finished so I place it in the dryer and then make my way back into the kitchen.

Popping in some toast, I fill a large glass with water and drain it, I then start up the coffee and pull out the chocolate spread. I eat my toast in small bites, the inevitable words that I will have to speak to my best friend running through my mind like a constant. My throat feels tight, I take small bites, trying to somewhat settle my stomach and sip my coffee regularly.

I glace at the clock on the microwave.

_05:37am_

The patrols usually lasted four hours or so which meant that Jared and Embry would have finished at 2:00am. Jake would be back around six. I swallow thickly as the toast threatens to make a reappearance. I had little to no time to prepare what I was going to say. What if I couldn't do it?

But then again, Jake had always been able to read me so well. He would guess what I was about to do before I even had a chance to say anything. Tears threaten to fall again and I let them, I seem to have no control over my body these days.

I lift my plate and half full cup and take them to the sink when the back door bursts open. I jump and drop the dishes in the sink and turn to face the intruder.

"Leah!" I whisper-shout.

She stands there, feet apart and arms crossed, glaring at me.

"What. Have. You. Done?" she asks in a menacing deadly tone. I gulp audibly and she rolls her eyes, stalking towards the kitchen table and sinking gracefully into a seat. Her glare intensifies, "I asked you a question!" she snaps. I jump once more and then glance down at my bare feet.

"I- I don't know what you mean."

She snorts and stalks forward, kicking the screen closed behind her. I step back as she steps forward and then my back hits against the counter; she has me cornered. I watch her with wide eyes as she brings her face closer to mine. Both her arms trap me against the counter on either side of me.

"Well then let me repeat myself." My heart stammers and then picks up at an unhealthy pace, "What have you done to Jacob?" Se enunciates each word as if talking to a child.

I gulp audibly and she sniffs in disgust. She freezes and then sniffs again, and then her head whips towards Jake's room, the bathroom and then back to me. My own eyes widen further in horror as I realise she can _smell… _everything that happened.

She wrinkles her nose in disgust and then turns away from me muttering to herself. I don't relax, I know better than that. She hasn't finished with me yet. "Fucking figures. He's so fuckin' high on happiness. I knew it. Fuck! Motherfucker!" She glares at me once again, "You fucked him, didn't you."

My cheeks burn crimson but I know there's no point in denying it. I nod shakily and keep my eyes trained on the ground.

She's silent, deadly so and I risk a glance at her. She looks confused for a moment. And then a slow smile spreads across her face, "Yes!" She fist bumps the air and grins. I'm taken aback, it's the first time ever I think I've seen her smile.

Leah looks me in the eyes, "Oh Swan, I'm so happy I could kiss you. Finally! Finally, the baby alpha got laid and now we won't have to have a constant whine-about-Bella-forever channel in our heads!"

Her grin widens, so much so that it must be painful but then drops when she sees that I'm not sharing her enthusiasm.

She raises a brow at me. I inhale slowly and hold it, counting to ten before releasing it. In the same breath I whisper, "It was a mistake."

She blanches.

"Say what, now?"

I clear my throat and meet her confused gaze with my teary one, "It shouldn't have happened Leah. It was a mistake. I'm so sor-"

Leah cuts me off with a hand in my face and then begins to pace the length of the kitchen in front of me. She's muttering to herself again and then she turns abruptly to me. "What are you going to do?"

I frown and eye the floor. Leah's dirty, bare feet come into view and then a warm hand is cupping my chin. I meet her gaze carefully, anything she is feeling is hidden. "What are you going to do? Are you staying here with him or running back to your leech?"

Warm tears threaten to spill and the lump in my throat makes it impossible to form words. But I don't need to. Leah already knows what I'm going to do.

The tears spill over onto my cheeks and Leah releases me, staring at me in horror, "Oh no. No. Don't you dare cry!"

For a moment I am confused, why would my crying affect her in any way. She should be yelling and screaming at me. Forcing me to leave this house and the reservation after what I'm about to do to her brother.

A tiny sob escapes me and she gasps. "No, shit. Fuck!"

She flaps her hand in front of her and then tries to fix me with a glare, "Stop fucking crying! Gah!" She runs both hand frustratedly through her hair and yanks, "I don't know how to deal with this. So stop okay? Please. I'll beg?"

It doesn't help. In fact I only sob harder. "Swan! Stop crying! I don't know what to do!"

The trouble is, neither do I. I have no idea what to do. I drop to the kitchen floor and cover my face with my hands and sob into them. I cry out for all the wrong things I did in one night alone. I cry for the heartbreak that I am going to cause both men I love.

I can vaguely hear Leah's expletives and then I hear them fade. I can tell she's about to run. Away from me, maybe to warn Jake. Oh, how I hope it was to warn him. It would make me landing the blow less hurtful and… who am I kidding?!

My whole body shakes with sobs, I don't even think to get up off of the floor. At any minute Billy could walk in to find me like this, or worse; Jake.

Slim hands come around my wrists and yank them away from my face. My sobs lessen in succession but my breath still catches as I stare into Leah's frustrated face. "Stop." She commands me. I push my lips together, trying to stop my cries. Silent tears roll down my cheeks as she studies me.

Without warning, she releases my wrists and pulls me up into her arms. I stop crying altogether. This was so weird. She had me cradled against her as she walked to the living room. Balanced on her hip like a child. She lowers me onto the couch and then offers me the bottom of her shirt to wipe my nose on.

I take it and then sit back tiredly, and she joins me, her left shoulder touching my right one.

"Why are you doing this to him, Swan? Don't you know how much he loves you? Heck, I can fucking tell you right now. You're all he thinks about, all day, every day. There's never a non-Bella moment in his mind."

I hiccup and another tear escapes, "I can't live without Edward." I whisper it, forcing myself to believe it.

She snorts, "So tell me, what exactly were you doing during the months he was off playing 'Sparkly Suicide Vamp'? Huh? 'Cause if that wasn't living then we may as well_ all_ be dead."

I shake my head and stare down at the coffee table, "No, that wasn't living. That was existing. There's a difference."

Leah's left hand finds my right one and she squeezes, "Really Swan? You can't lie to me. You were doing perfectly with Jake. You were getting better. Hell, I wish I'd had someone like him there for me when Sam-"

She cuts herself off and clenches her jaw, the muscle there ticks wildly. This time I squeeze her hand, "I thought you said you didn't know how to handle these things?"

"I don't. But… our parents are dating so I may as well get used to playing big sister to a girl… not that there's much difference between a girl and Seth." She chuckles and I manage to quirk a small smile.

It fades quickly though. I bring my knees to my chest and release Leah's hand to hug them.

"I don't want to do it Leah. I don't want to break him, but I can't be without Edward."

We sit in silence for a while. Finally she clears her throat.

"Do it today."

I turn to her but she's staring out at the blank TV. "What?"

She meets my eyes, "If you're gonna leave him, do it now. Today. If you drag it out then it'll only hurt worse." Her jaw tenses, "Believe me, being strung along by your heart is worse. Sometimes I wish _he_ had just told me to fuck off and then left me to deal with it rather than stringing me along."

"It will hurt worse if you do that to him." I gulp and she sits forward and sighs. She then stands and turns to me.

"I don't support you in this. You are about to break my brother in the worst way possible but I understand some."

Tears once again make their trek down my cheeks, I sniffle and nod. "If Sam had come back for you…"

"…I would have jumped back into it without even having to think." She swallows thickly and I swear I see her eyes glisten too.

She eyes me once again. "If you need anything, call me at the house. But other than that, I think you're making the wrong decision. Like I said though, I understand some. You have about fifteen minutes before he comes back here. Think about your decision properly. Think about your options."

Leah strides out of the house leaving me on the couch.

I think about everything she had told me. Most of it I knew myself, but hearing someone else repeat them back to me makes me feel worse.

Another thought pops into my head; The Volturi.

We had promised them in Volterra that I'd become like them. They wouldn't let this go. The sullen attitude that had come over the Cullen's expressions at the mention of this confirmed that. They thought I had something that would value the vampire world; they wouldn't let this go.

I fall sideways on the couch and stare out into the room that had become familiar to me in the past months.

*~IP~*

I must have fallen asleep, because I awake abruptly to the sound of the screen door slamming. Up the hall I hear Jacob's bedroom door open and then close. I can her the rustling of clothes.

My heart jumps to my throat and I sit up, trying to smooth down Jake's clothes in an attempt to gain some control over my body. I swallow thickly, staring at my lap. I wait a few moments and Jake doesn't appear before me.

I rise and shakily make my way into the kitchen. Just as I enter Jake comes out of his room. We freeze as we see each other. I take him in.

He's still breathing heavily, his chest is bare and glistens with perspiration as do his forehead and hair. His shorts hang low on his hips in an inviting manner. But it's his eyes that hold mine. They darken, sparkling with everything he is feeling.

I hold my breath, the words on the tip of my tongue waiting to break free, I gulp so loudly we both hear it. "Jake-"

The sound of my voice snaps him from his thoughts and then he's on me. He strides towards me in three long steps and grips my waist. He hoists me up onto the counter and pushes my legs apart before stepping in between them and burying his face in my neck.

"Bells…" he breaths against me. His hands push at the shirt I'm wearing until they are underneath and then they grip my bare skin. My breaths quicken as I feel his hot breath fanning my neck and his hands branding my skin once again. He grips me tighter pulling my body towards his and I wince.

Jake freezes and pulls his face back, his eyes searching mine. "W-what?" and then he glances down. His eyes widen in horror as he stares down at the bruises on my skin. "Bells…" he repeats himself but this time his voice is filled with remorse and pain.

I swallow past the lump in my throat and cup his face, bringing his gaze to mine, "It's okay Jake, they don't hurt." His eyes dart between mine and then slowly he relaxes. His face forms a radiant smile.

He strokes the tops of my thighs lightly, "You look cute in my clothes, honey."

Of course at his compliment I blush. My eyes rest on his hands beneath us. This time he cups my chin and lifts my head, I hold his wrists in both my hands. "How are you feeling? Did you take some Advil? Are you, you know, sore?"

My cheeks redden further and I nod, "I took some." He beams at me.

"Bells, last night was… amazing. I- I really do love you. Hey, are you okay?" He frowns as tears slowly make their way down my cheeks. His thumbs come up and wipe them away but more soon fall. "Honey, talk to me."

I sniffle and lift my watery gaze to his, "Last night was amazing for me too. I'm glad you were my first." I remember a random thought from before and then lick my lips. His eyes dart down to them and then back to my eyes. Heat licks up my spine and I squirm a little. His eyes darken and he inhales sharply. A similar way in which Leah did and my cheeks burn, I know he can smell me. His eyelids drop in lust but he carries on watching me. "You were amazing, Jake. I- uh… have you, you know, uh, done that before.

I jump in surprise when he laughs loudly. I frown and then scowl and he lands a kiss on my nose and then moves closer, pressing me closer to him and brushes his lips against my temple. "I may have fooled around with a couple of girls from school but honey that was my first time too. I am so fucking happy it was with you."

"But you were so good."

He grins down at me and I roll my eyes, "Believe me honey, sharing a mind with Paul has taught me a thing or two about sex." I wrinkle my nose and he chuckles, brushing my cheek with the back of his fingers. "How sore are you?"

I almost blush at the personal question but it would be quite pointless, I shrug, "I'm okay. S'not that bad. I just couldn't do the splits right now without breaking _something." _He laughs again and I smile a tiny smile.

His gaze flickers between mine as his hands come up to cup my cheeks, he then leans in and brushes his lips against mine. I whimper at the contact and he groans before moving his tongue along my bottom lip.

I am a disgusting person, the worst kind. Because as I open up for him and he explores me, I don't try to stop him. I kiss him back with just as much passion and soon he's lifting me from the counter and rushing into his room, my shirt already halfway off of my torso.

*~IP~*

We lay there together panting. I try desperately to catch my breath.

Wow.

That had been nothing like the first time.

It was fast, hot, needy and passionate. Jake had finished before me, his orgasm triggering my own and then he had collapsed against me.

We were still in that position. Him still inside me, his head at my neck. I could feel the warm puffs of air hitting my collarbone.

My hands stroke through his sweaty hair, his were still around me, holding me to him.

"You okay?" he rasps against me and kisses my neck tenderly. I bite my lip as it starts to quiver and nod against him.

He moves up a little to catch my expression and his lower half moves against me as he's still nestled inside of me. I gasp and then moan lightly and he stares down at me in shock, "Christ Bella! Again?"

I flush and shake my head, "No- no, I…" I trail off and then release my lip. A sob escapes me and I remove my hands from his hair to cover my face in shame. My breath catches and stutters, I whimper a little as he pulls out of me and then he rolls us once more until I'm resting on his chest.

He coos gently in my ear, shushing me and I cry harder. Here I was planning to break his heart after having no control over myself and sleeping with him again and he was being completely selfless and still focusing on me.

"Honey, shh…" his right hand tries to pry mine from my face and he does. He gazes down at me confused, "Bells, what's going on?"

I stare into his eyes, seeing myself as he sees me and it's too much; too intense. I hiccup and break out of his arms and then sit up and move off of the bed. He sits up too and places both his feet on the floor but pulls the sheet over his lap. I pick up my pants and throw them on and then my shirt too. I don't dare meet his gaze but I know he's watching my every movement. I can feel his frustration. He's becoming more and more confused by the minute. I finally face him but carefully avoid his gaze, "I can't do that again. It can't happen again."

He nods but then freezes. His eyes widen and snap to mine showing me the sheer terror he is feeling.

Jake swallows thickly, "What exactly do you mean Bella?" I wince. He didn't call me 'Bells,' this was only going to get worse. I blink rapidly, letting lose a couple of tears.

"I'm sorry Jake, but I-"

He stands abruptly, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. I step back in defence but he makes no move to come towards me. His whole form shakes with fury but his vulnerable whisper betrays him, "You're still going back to _him, _aren't you?"

I send him a pleading look and bite my lips harder until I taste blood. I can say nothing more, only nod once.

Jake's form is practically vibrating and then as soon as they start, he stills. His eyes are pitch black as he gazes at me coldly. He sinks to the bed once more giving me a cold stare. "I should have known. I should have-"

He cuts himself off and drops his face into his hands. I stand stock still waiting for him to yell, to cry or to demand I leave. His hands rake through his hair and then he drops them and stares at me. Upon glancing at him closely I can see fresh tears making their way down his cheeks. I swallow and go to make my way towards him but he holds up a hand to stop me.

"Why?" he whispers brokenly. Another sob escapes me but it sounds choked, I want to comfort him, I want to hold him, but I have to get this over with now. Leah's words echo in my mind; I had to do this now.

"You know why. Nothing's changed. I still want him, need him. He's everything Jake."

He snorts and I try to catch my breath, "I- I can't live without him." Jake shoots me a cold, disbelieving look and I shake my head. "I can't. It's bad enough knowing I've done this with you and he may not want me back. Just the thought is killing me." I pause to hiccup and then inhale sharply, I continue even though I know he's not really listening.

"I can't be without him. I've tried before, when he left and I almost didn't survive." His eyes flash angrily and he stands once again.

"Are you fucking kidding me?! Can you not see me?! _I _was there Bella. I was. We were doing perfectly fine until that fucking leech came back and now-" The muscle in his jaw ticks frantically as he wars with himself. His form starts to blur but he somehow reigns it in and then shoves his hands through his hair once again.

He stares at me brokenly, it almost knocks me to the ground, "Did this mean nothing to you? Do I mean nothing to you?"

My eyes snap to his, "Of course you do Jake, you do! I love you! I just-"

"You love him more, right?"

I swallow and stare at him sadly. Confirming that would be the ultimate insult and I can't afford to hurt him anymore; he already knows the answer anyway.

"Get out."

"W-what?"

"I said get out. Of my house now. I don't want to see you. Fuck! I can't even look at you right now. Get out."

Fear settles in my chest as my eyes flicker between his. Tears are pouring down his cheeks as he says this to me. He wipes them away angrily but more fall in their place.

"Jake…" I gasp out his name and move towards him but he growls at me.

"Get. The. Fuck. Out. Now!"

I gasp and sob harder but he sinks down to the bed and then drops his head into his hands as his shoulders shake with sobs, breaking his gaze from mine and shutting me out.

My heart shatters and I hover in his room. I want so badly to wrap my arms around him. As I move to do so he stands once more. He strides towards me and the grasps my right arm leaning over me and sneering at me, "Did you not hear what I said? Get out now!"

He moves me with him into the kitchen and shoves me in the direction of the washing machine. He moves back into his bedroom and slams the door. But not before I get a glimpse of his utterly broken expression.

I almost choke on my sobs as I make my way to the laundry room. Tears fall non-stop as I redress in my own clothes and leave his on the washing machine. I rub my arm where he grabbed me and wince.

What had I done? The Jake I knew would never have done that, not even in his darkest moments. Had I finally pushed him over the edge? I close my eyes in agony and sniffle; _god, I hoped not._

I go to make my way out and then realise I have no means of getting home. Jake bought me down here and Charlie was still over at the Clearwater's, no doubt still hung over. I sniffle some more and wipe my cheeks before opening the front door, resigned to walking.

"Bella…" I jump at the broken whisper behind me and turn abruptly to find Jake standing there. He's put on his shorts but the rest of him is bare. His eyes are once again soft, vulnerable and filled with pain. "Don't go Bells… not after everything. Not after _that."_ He brings his right hand up to scrub over his face.

"Jake…" I shake my head and go to turn back and start on my way. He drops his hands and stares at me.

"Bella."

I don't move, I don't breath.

"Bella." His jaw tenses and he swallows thickly.

"Bells." Something inside of me snaps. I rush him, falling against his chest and circling his waist tightly. One of his hands cup my head to him and the other secures me against him around my shoulders. "I- I'm so sorry, honey. Did I hurt you?"

I shake my head and sob against him, not caring in the slightest that I'm getting snot all over his bare chest. We pull away from each other though my hands are still linked loosely behind his back.

"Don't leave me, Bells." He cups my cheeks in his hands. I can hardly breath, let alone form words. I shake my head at him again and his eyes close in defeat, "Honey, I've never asked you for anything. But I'm asking for this, please."

"N-no… I- I… can't…" I manage to get out.

He holds my face firmly and stares deep into my eyes, tears fall from his own. I can see everything, I can see right into his soul. His never ending love for me, his hurt and finally his… acceptance.

"Okay."

I frown at him through my tears, "Okay. But I'm taking you home."

Sniffling, I nod my head and wipe my nose off of on the back of my hand.

Jake hoists me up into his arms and my hands automatically link around his neck. He pulls me in tight against his chest and then strides from the house, down the stairs and into the forest.

Waiting for us are three wolves. I jump as I notice them and they each cock their heads. Jake doesn't look at them but walks past them. My head swivels to face them as they follow us closely.

Each of them are a different shade of grey. One is smaller than the others, slimmer too; Leah. The others I recognise as Embry and… Paul? I frown and then lean my head into the crook of Jake's neck. He walks at a slow pace, truthfully I know he could have had me home in less than fifteen minutes but I don't rush him.

I had nothing to over him, not even comfort, I could at least let him hold me one last time. Once –gulp- Edward found out about what I had done, I knew I would never be allowed to visit Jake ever again.

We walk for what feels like a long time, he never tires though, holding me so close to him and so tightly that I am rarely jostled; I start to lose myself in sleep.

At some point in our journey Jake presses a series of kisses to my hairline, he's mumbling to himself, I catch some of the words and close my eyes in agony. Just being here right now was killing him and in turn killing me. I shouldn't have ran to him before, I should just sucked it up and walked away from him. I was torturing him. Leah was right; this was only going to hurt more the longer we dragged it out.

A few moments later Jake freezes.

I lift my gaze to his face but he's staring out at the forest, with a dark look shadowing his face. "Jake…" I start and his eyes snap to mine. He lowers his face to my neck and just breathes. I lift one of my hands and hold his face there. I can feel him pressing soft kisses there, branding me, making harder and harder for me to forget.

He pulls back suddenly and stares down at me. I search his eyes but he shakes his head and then gazes out again. He strides forward once more but this time with purpose.

We come closer to a break in the trees and I instantly recognise the spot; we are at the treaty line.

I gasp as horror settles over me, it worsens as the silver Volvo comes into view just beyond the trees.

My heart shatters as I take in the sight before me. Edward is pacing the length of the Volvo, his eyes darting towards the forest every now and then. As soon as he spots us he freezes.

I don't even breath.

The air rushes out of him and he goes to move towards us when the three wolves that are accompanying us step forward and form an arch in front of us protectively. Edward stops his ascent but the muscle in his jaw twitches. "Love…"

I flinch, Jake is tense with me in his arms. He steps back a little and then the wolves back up with us. I can no longer see Edward but I know for sure he can still see us.

"Bells." Jake whisper to my hairline. He pulls me back so I can meet his eyes, "I'm gonna let you go, honey. But you have to promise me something."

I swallow thickly, tears fall but there is no point in trying to stop them. I reach up and try to wipe away Jake's, I had no idea what he wanted me to promise him but I had to give him something. I nod and he sniffles. "Promise me that you'll come see me. I- I'll need you…"

There's a moment pause and he flinches, closing his eyes tightly, waiting for me to deal him the final blow.

"I promise," I whisper to him, knowing that I for sure would be breaking this promise to him, "That I will try to come see you…"

His eyes snap open and he stares at me helplessly and then he nods. He gently lowers me to my feet and then grasps both my shoulders.

Jake takes in a shuddering breath and then slips his arms around me and pulling me into his chest. I close my eyes and hold him around the waist. I couldn't help but feel like this was our final goodbye.

We pull back and he stares down at me. His eyes flicker down to my lips and then back to my eyes once again, "One last time?" he asks.

I couldn't even try to deny him if I wanted to.

I grasp his shoulders and lean up on my tip toes and brush my lips against his. In the distance I can hear the musical call out of my name in outrage, but I can't be bothered with that. I plaster myself against Jake, relishing in his warmth, in his love and kiss him fully. I open my mouth and let him in, stroking my tongue against his whilst my hands find their way into his hair and tangle there.

In the back of my mind I know I'm making things worse, for all three of us but I can't be bothered with that either. I angle my head slightly and pull at Jake's hair, he groans into my mouth and moves his mouth with mine harder. Our kiss then turns languid as we take in each other in a now familiar way. I stroke my fingers through his hair as we breathe harshly through our noses and then finally we part.

My eye snap open but his remain closed. He pushes his forehead against mine as he pants, his hot breathes mingling with my own as I breathe him in. "Bells." He whispers mournfully. I let out a choked sob and run my fingers soothingly through his hair.

He pulls back just enough to look me in the eyes, what I see there make me flinch. He's not even trying to hide his agony. My heart pounds unhealthily in my chest. "He knows." Jake rasps out and it takes me a minute to realise what he means. My eyes widen in horror. And Jake strokes my cheeks.

"I had to show him, I didn't want you to be the one to tell him. He might have hurt you."

I swallow past the bile in my throat and focus on breathing. "J-Jake." I gasp out his name. The true entirety of what I have done knocking the wind out of me.

"Do you still want to go?" he whispers it to my lips and then lands a kiss there. I don't fight him, but I don't kiss him back.

I stare into his eyes and then nod slowly, "He's what I choose, Jake."

Jake once again places his forehead against mine. We cry silently against one another, him cupping my face and me with my arms wrapped loosely around him. "I'm in love with you, honey."

"I- I'm I-in love w-with you t-too." I manage and he nods against me.

Jake heaves a massive sigh and then he pulls away from me, he's holding me at shoulders length and then he drops my shoulders leaving me feeling cold and empty.

"Jake…" I start but he shakes his head and wipes his cheeks dry.

"Last chance, Bells?"

I sniffle and swipe at my own cheeks, "N-no… I- I have to stay."

He nods and then takes a few steps back. "I love you, babe."

I don't say it back this time.

He waits.

I stay silent and count to ten in my head.

And then, his face contorts. He lets out a feral growl and twists his body phasing half way through the movement. He turn to me, piercing me with his human gaze in his wolf's body. He lets out a mournful howl, I jump at the noise and then, he's gone.

"Bella?" I hear from behind me. I turn to find Edward standing at the edge of the treaty line, looking like he wants to over-step it and grab me. I feel shame, remorse and guilt; but my love for him is still the most dominant. This makes me cry harder.

Pain and anguish flash across his face and the guilt twists further in my heart like a knife. I make no move to walk towards him. "You really did… _that _with him?" his nose wrinkles in disgust and I can't help the moan of pain that escapes me confirming everything.

He eyes me, like he doesn't know who I am anymore. I sob louder, feeling unclean as his liquid gold eyes scrutinize me.

Sensing that I am close to losing my mind Edward face smooth's into a blank mask. "Come, Isabella. Let me take you home."

I don't move, I can't move. Jake is gone. I let him leave and I didn't go with him. Because I love Edward. Because I can't be without him. Because I'm selfish and I want them both and I've played Jake and now I'm running back to Edward except I can't move. Something keeps holding me back.

The sound of a twig snapping makes me turn around once more.

Paul is stood there, fists clenched at his sides and Leah and Embry flanking him.

Embry refuses to meet my eyes, staring at the ground in front of him and Leah just gazes at me impassively.

"Well?" Paul snaps and my eyes meet his. His stance is cold and uncaring, as is his face but his eyes give him away; he's not here to hurt me.

"Go back to your leech."

I clench my teeth together so the sobs don't break through. Paul arches a brow at me. "You made your choice Bella, go!"

He's breathing harshly. Leah sends me a pleading look, one that I can't even begin to decipher in this state.

The energy to even stand evades me and my legs turn to jelly.

And then I fall loosely towards the ground. Before I can make contact I am held up by large, muscular arms and pulled into a warm chest.

Paul holds me to him, cooing in my ear. I marvel at being in this position with him. I gather it's probably the most intimate he's ever been with a woman that he wasn't screwing. He lifts me so he's holding all of my weight in his arms and then rocks back and forth on his heels.

"Shh, shh," he whispers. We stay like this before he lowers me back to the ground but still keeps his arms around my waist.

"Let her go Paul." I hear Leah say from over Paul's shoulder. I shudder and he holds me tighter.

"Are you fucking crazy?! A normal guy would be hella pissed if this little girl here cheated on him. Her leech could fuckin' suck her dry in a few seconds flat. You think I'm gonna let her go back now?!" Paul's tone is incredulous. I'm too shocked to react; since when was Paul my biggest fan?

Leah is closer now, her voice sounds louder, "That's not your fucking decision to make. Let her go. I'm going to follow them."

Paul snorts, I can feel his chest move beneath where I am collapsed against him. "Yeah, 'cause you'd be able to save her. You're fucking good for nothing. Get the fuck out of here Clearwater!"

I hear a gasp behind Paul and then silence.

After a few moments Paul pulls me back to glance at him. My eyes are blurry, my eyelashes sticking together making it difficult for me to open her eyes all the way. But I can see his disappointment staring back at me.

"You've hurt us, Swan. Big time." I whimper and his big hand comes up to awkwardly push back my hair. His hand pushes a little harder than intended in the unfamiliar action and my head tips up towards him.

"But we'll always have your back." I open my mouth but only tiny mewling sounds escape. Paul leans down towards me and brushes a soft kiss to my hairline; I almost die right there.

"And if you change your mind…" he tips my head up to gaze into his obsidian eyes, "… you _are _welcome." And then he's gone, along with Embry and Leah.

I sway on my feet, minutes from passing out.

"Bella?" I hear _him _call my name. I'm not sure how much more emotional onslaught I could possibly deal with. I close my eyes in defeat.

Edward was my only means of getting home and that meant I would have to face him. Unless I wanted to chase Jake into the forest until I lost myself; how fitting.

I face him once again and swallow thickly, choking back the sobs that want to escape. His posture is tense, his hands are clenched at his sides in fists. I take small stumbling steps towards him and can tell as soon as I pass the boundary line. He relaxes and move towards me in a flash.

Only to stop dead two feet from me. In turn, I too freeze on the spot. He stares into my eyes, his now deathly black and then his nose wrinkles in utter disgust.

I flush crimson and gasp out, "E-Edward, I'm so- so sorry…"

He holds up a hand to silence me and looks as though he's holding his breath. "I think you better get in the car, we have much to discuss."

And then he turns and walks towards the Volvo, making a point of rolling down all the windows, and pushes the passenger door wide open. He stares straight ahead, never meeting my gaze until I am carefully seated in the car. I shut the door but he never once relaxes, never once picks up the pretence of breathing.

We drive on anyway, the roads becoming more familiar as we go. I try to talk to him once more but he fixes me with a dark glare, "We will talk about this when we get home. But right now, you need to shower. You reek of your mating with that filthy dog."

I flinch and sink further into my seat.

We pass my house, Charlie's cruiser is still missing which I expected. It was still early. Edward doesn't stop, he's taking me to his house.

I close my eyes and rest my head against the window. I can feel his eyes on me. Feel his disgust and hurt from where he is sitting. I sigh and then open my eyes briefly. The last thing I notice is a flash of grey fur in the trees before sleep claims me.

*~IP~*

A cold hand grasps my shoulder and shakes gently. I flinch at the temperature and blink my eyes open. I am in a vast room in the Cullen mansion; that much is obvious. I glance to my right as the hand pulls away and then frown in confusion.

Rosalie shoots me a tiny sympathetic smile before sighing and sitting down to face me on the bed. She glances down at her fingers for a moment and then back at me, "Edward left you in the car and went for a run as soon as you guys pulled up. Alice went with him. Emmett figured we should bring you in here."

I swallow and push up on my elbows. My throat is raw, my mouth tastes disgusting and my head is pounding. "W-where am I?"

She glances around and then looks at me, "Mine and Emmett's room."

My eyes widen and she shrugs, "You can use our shower." She wrinkles her nose. "You need one, and then…" She trails off and I stare at her in fear.

"…The family are waiting to speak to you."

She must take pity on because she shakes her head and then stares out through the window, "We can't tell you who to sleep with Bella." I blush but she continues anyway. "But you've hurt Edward and you need to take responsibility and apologise for your actions." She pierces me with her topaz eyes.

I nod and she sighs and then stands.

To my utter surprise she holds out a hand to me, "Come, and let me run you a bath."

I take her hand and let her lead me into the contemporary bathroom. No doubt she finds no use for this, ever. She doesn't leave as I start to strip myself of my clothes. Nor when I use the toilet or when I step into to half-filled tub.

She stays.

Washing my hair and rubbing my back as I sob quietly into my hands. She's gentle with me. Careful not to touch me directly with her cold hands.

I take comfort in her non-hatred and can't even find it in me to care that not even a few days ago she hated my guts. And now I'm sat here, naked in front of her whilst she cares for me like I'm a baby. She would have without a doubt made a perfect mother.

We sit in silence until she leaves the room. I wonder briefly at what I am going to say, at how I am going to explain myself.

Rosalie returns with a fluffy white towel and helps me wrap myself into it.

I dry quickly and then step into the clothes she has laid out for me.

When I walk back into her room she rises from the bed. "The family are all downstairs waiting."

I nod, knowing that I have to face them sooner rather than later. We move towards the door and I bite down on my lip. I have cried enough for one day, cried non-stop. I didn't have the energy to do so anymore. All I really wanted was to curl up and sleep for a thousand years. Not caring in the slightest if I was missed or not.

As we are about to exit her room, Rose turns to me and fixes me with a kind and gentle stare, "You should have stayed with the dog, you know."

And then she walks towards the grand staircase and disappears from my view leaving me shocked and frozen and stood still in that spot.

_To be continued…_

**A/N: IMPORTANT THAT YOU READ THIS: So first of all I'd like to say thank you for reading because this was a waaaay too long chapter, but if you made it to the end then give yourself a cookie!**

**Secondly, I apologise for the way things between Jake and Bella ended. Now, before you try to kill me, just know that it's gonna be a long road for them but have faith in me. I have sooo many plans for this story and you will need time and patience to enjoy the journey with me, *wink***

**Thirdly: REVIEW! I am sooo **_**insecure**_** about this story, I really wanna know what you guys are thinking. Do you still love me/this story even after what I just did? Review and let me know…**


	4. If You Hurt Me, I'll Forgive You

**A/N: Thank you for all the Reviews/Alerts, they mean so much to me.**

**I am so sorry for the wait, I recently got a new job so I've had six weeks of intense training for that.**

**I hope you enjoy (and hope you don't hate me, have faith in me. I am an absolute 100% Jake and Bells shipper, so...)**

**Also, I want to dedicate this chapter to CourtneyHowlett, girl… this is for you.**

**Enjoy :)**

_Previously…_

_As we are about to exit her room, Rose turns to me and fixes me with a kind and gentle stare, "You should have stayed with the dog, you know." _

_And then she walks towards the grand staircase and disappears from my view leaving me shocked and frozen and stood still in that spot._

I inhale sharply at her comment and say it to myself over and over in my mind.

What could she mean by that? I had wronged her brother, and she was suddenly Team Jacob?

Thinking that name causes sharp pricks of pain in my heart.

I close my eyes tiredly. This whole day had drained me and it was only just after noon. I swallow thickly and then square my shoulders. The Cullen's could no doubt hear me. They were probably wondering what was taking me so long to face them. I sigh quietly and go to make my way down the staircase.

"Bella…" a pained voice whispers. My gaze snaps to the second storey staircase. Edward is stood there with one hand poised on the railing the other outstretched towards me. I flinch when his agony filled topaz gaze meets mine. His eyes tighten, "Forgive me for my harsh words, love. I think we should talk, alone. My family means well but this is between you and I. Come, we'll talk in my room."

He seems a lot calmer than when he bought me here, his eyes no longer black, I figure that he must have hunted.

"Come, my love." He says again and steps down one more step and stretches his hand out further.

I hesitate and he of course notices this too. His eyes tighten and he implores me, "Please, Isabella. We have much to discuss." After another moment's hesitation I moves towards him slowly. He seems to stretch his hand out further until I slide mine into his and then he grasps it tightly. Edward pulls my hand up to his face and kisses the back gently. I shiver at the contact. I don't mean to; but I do.

He mistakes my shiver of repulsion for pleasure and smiles his crooked smile at me. The walls around my heart begin to melt as he tilts his head towards the stairs and then turns and makes his way to his room. He clutches at my hand leaving me no choice but to follow him.

We enter his room and I stride past him shakily. I pull at the sleeves of my shirt and stare out of the window. I follow Edward's shadow in the window. He moves around with lithe grace. He flicks back the luxurious gold coverlet on the bed and grabs a remote from the side table. He then presses a few buttons and a soft classical piece starts to play.

I take in a deep breath and take in his smell. This was his sanctuary and his scent was everywhere. I take a few more cleansing breaths and feel a wave of calm come over me. I frown for a moment and then sigh. His family were always interfering.

Resigned in trying to organise my thoughts or come up with some excuses or even a heart-felt apology, I turn to face him.

He's stood frozen on the spot. Watching me, waiting for me to make the first move no doubt. I open my mouth to start by saying sorry but he beats me to it.

"I am so sorry, my love."

I frown and he nods and then drops his gaze to the ground. I don't know what to say. I don't know if I should move. He looks almost submissive and contrite. I am utterly confused. I clear my throat, "W-why are you sorry?"

His head snaps to mine and then he moves forward. He grasps both my hands in his and pulls me back towards the bed. He then lifts me bridal style. He drops me softly onto the bed and I shuffle backwards and lean back against the cast iron headboard.

I cross my legs and Edward sits in front of me mirroring my position.

We stare at each other. I can't read him, but that is the same as always. In a sudden movement he inhales and then pinches the bridge of his nose. "It is all my fault."

My eyes snap open and I stutter, "W-what? O-of course-e not!"

He holds up a hand in my face and I blink. "Allow me to take the blame for this mistake, love. It of course is all my fault."

I shake my head, "N-no," I almost gasp it out. My time with Jake was not a mistake. There was _no _blame to be taken here. I knew what I was doing and I had wanted to do it. I tell Edward this much and he frowns at me.

"But see, you never would have… wanted the dog if I had never been so chaste with you. I treated you with too much care and I know now you are stronger than you look. I underestimated you."

I get mad at him, "You only just realised that?!"

I jump up from the bed and move to pace the length of the window, "I mean, you left me, for dead in the forest. I survived that. I survived Laurent in the meadow. I survived a cliff dive, a trip to Italy and being confronted by the most powerful vampires of all time, do I _need_ to go on? And you only _just _realise that I am 'stronger than I look'?!"

My whole body shakes with rage. I turn and fix him with a glare, "Shame on you Edward Cullen! Shame on you! Gah!" I turn back to the window and stare out of it. I'm breathing heavily, my chest heaving in and out.

He moves towards me in the glass but I avoid his eyes. I feel his cool breath fan my neck, I shiver at the temperature and then inhale deeply. His scent invades my senses and I feel my whole body relax.

Edward places a gentle kiss on my neck and then grasps both my shoulders in his hands. He turns me to face him and I let him. His eyes dance between mine and I melt at the look he is giving me. "If you want to be held accountable then I suppose I should let you take the blame." I frown but he cuts me off.

"You did technically cheat on me." I drop my head in shame.

"But…" one cool finger tips my head up and I meet his topaz eyes. "… I am prepared to forgive you."

I breathe a massive sigh of relief and close my eyes. "Edward, I am so sorry. I never meant for you to get hurt in the process. I have hurt him too. Neither of you deserve this hurt." I don't tell him about my non-regret for sleeping with Jake; I would never regret that.

He croons at me, and whispers lowly in my ear, "I have terms, a condition on which I will forgive you."

My eye flicker to his and my brow puckers. I wonder briefly if his condition will be me becoming a vampire. He leans in and brushes his nose against mine, and then he pulls back and stares into my eyes. I feel like I'm drowning, my worries from before momentarily forgotten.

"Marry me."

I freeze.

He implores me but I can't move, can't speak, and can't think. He brushes the backs of his fingers against my cheek and gives me _my _smile. "Marry me, Bella. Spend the rest of your existence with me."

My breath catches, he said 'existence', not 'life'.

He was planning on giving me what I had wanted all along. Or maybe now that I had shared something with Jake that I couldn't with him he was trying this as a desperate attempt to make me stay. "Y-you said existence…"

Edward chuckles but looks a little wounded. "Yes, my love. I am prepared to change you myself. I know that I am risking your soul but I want you with me… forever."

His eyes shine with what can only be visions of our future. I am speechless, I can say nothing.

"B-but you always voted against that!"

He frowns at me, clearly I have ruined the moment. He pulls away and moves towards the bed. He sinks down gracefully and then gazes at me. "I know. But I… want you." It sounds like that confession was dragged out of him. I almost snort; ever the gentleman.

"I want you and I think that the only way we will be able to be together is if you are a vampire. There would be too many risks involved if you were still human-"

I can't believe he is even considering this. He sounds nothing like the Edward I left behind the afternoon before the bonfire.

"So will you, marry me?"

I bluster and flap my hands and then run one them through my hair.

"Edward, I understand that maybe you're feeling insecure about what I did with Jacob-"

In a flash he is standing before me, his body leaning over mine. My heart stops for a moment and then kicks into overdrive. His stance is menacing. The complete opposite from only moments ago. I flicker my gaze to his and then gasp.

His eyes are pitch black.

"I don't care about what you did with Jacob. I could do that with you if I really wanted too."

We watch each other, me with caution, and him with tainted interest. And then his eyes light up. "Yes. Yes, that's it." He brushes his lips down my cheek, "We will try, love. Tonight. Now. I want you."

And then I am being lifted in his arms and carried over to the bed once again. He throws me down and I bounce slightly on the mattress. I squeak and stare up at him. He gives me a smile. But not the one I am used to.

This smile radiates one thing only; predator.

He inhales sharply and then groans in pleasure. I try to calm myself down, no doubt he could smell my fear and that mixed with the scent of my blood was throwing him into a craze. He stands at the foot of the bed, watching me.

And then he peels off his shirt.

His pale torso is exposed to me once again, though he looks so different than that one time in Italy. The subtly exposed muscles hidden under his marble skin. My gaze travels up his face. He is looking at me looking at him, a pleased look on his face. He grins at me widely and then crouches on the bed. He's on his hands and knees, moving towards me at an excruciating pace.

I am hyperventilating.

For all the times I had wished he would let us take this step, I was wishing the complete opposite now. I can do nothing but watch him, my body refuses to move; frozen with shock, I continue to stare at him with wide, terrified eyes.

I couldn't do this. Not with him. Not today at least. I hadn't been thinking logically when I had begged him for this before. He could actually hurt me. Rip me apart or drain me if my scent became too much.

By now he has reached me. He hovers over me and my whole body tenses.

"Bella…" he croons, but it sounds wrong. He's not the man I know. I chance a glance up to his eyes and my heart rate accelerates once again. I curse myself internally for not having more control over my body's reactions. His eyes are pitch black and they shine as though we are playing a game.

I am terrified.

I have no idea who this is hovering over me.

His lips descend on mine, just a light brush and I shiver. He pulls back and grins down at me widely, baring his teeth. I gasp at the sight and he looks even more over joyed. He dips down, both his hands resting beside my hips and pushes his nose against my neck.

My throat tightens, my pace quickens until I can practically hear the blood rushing throughout my veins.

He groans again, a low throaty noise and then he pulls away slightly.

I almost relax until I feel something else. The tiniest of scrapes against my skin. My eyes widen in horror as I realise he is pushing his teeth against my skin. I try to talk. To stop him or to call for one of the others but it comes out as a strangled cry.

Edward pulls back and searches my eyes. I try desperately to plead with him but he just keeps on inhaling deeply, gulping in the air tainted with my scent. I start to cry, to sob. His hand flicks out to my cheek and he catches a drop and then he brings his finger to his face. Deliberately slowly, he pushes that finger into his mouth and sucks.

I whimper and he takes the small sound as confirmation that I am excited; I am not.

He groans once more and then removes his finger and pushes at my shoulders.

Having no control over my body, I fall onto my back, my hair fanning behind me.

"You look stunning. So inviting, and you smell even more so…" he whispers it to me. Somehow that make it seem even more threatening.

I finally find my voice, "E-Edward no. I'm n-not ready…"

He glares down at me, "Really? If that were the case you wouldn't have given it up to the mutt, Isabella. It's a little too late to play that card."

And then his body covers mine. He thrusts his hips painfully against mine. He feels hard and cold against me. I am horrified by the fact that I can't even tell if he is aroused or not. He continues to push his hips against mine with bruising force.

I scream. I don't mean to do it but I can't help it. The sounds escape me. I sound desperate. I whimper and he pauses his movements to look down at me briefly. "Isabella… mine." He inhales deeply again and the moans out.

His eyes snap open. I am breathing in little pants. My throat is so tight with fear. He bares his teeth at me and then lowers his mouth to my jaw. I sob, I cry, I pray, I even scream some more.

He's closer. He blows cool air over my pulse and I shiver violently. My whole body jerks against his just as he's about to pierce my skin and then the bedroom door bursts open with a bang. It hangs off one hinge, barely still attached to the frame.

"Get your hands off of her!" An outraged feminine voice shrieks.

I glance towards the ruined doorway to find Rosalie standing there. She stalks into the room followed by Jasper and Emmett. I whimper some more at the sight of my saviours.

"I believe the lady said 'no'," Jasper drawls to Edward who still has me pinned to the bed. With easy grace Jasper lifts Edward off of me and then tosses him through the window. It shatters audibly and I jump. Jasper tips his imaginary hat at me and then throws himself after Edward. I scream once again and then I pass out.

~IP~

I am conscious but I don't open my eyes. I can hear soft voices whispering, I cannot make out what they are saying though. I try to move but stop myself. My body feels like it's been run over by a truck. I moan out in pain and blink my eyes open.

I'm once again in Rosalie and Emmett's room. I recognise the décor.

As I try to sit up, the events from before come rushing back. I lean over the edge of the bed just in time to empty the contents of my stomach. I heave as my stomach rejects its contents and they splatter against the beige carpet.

A cool hand rubs my back and for a moment I panic.

"Shh, shh. It's me Bella, Rosalie."

My heart beat slows down as I vomit nothing but bile and then collapse back against the mattress. A cold sweat breaks out over my skin as I gaze weakly at the ceiling. I turn my head slightly to the left to fins Rosalie sat cross legged and facing me. She wrinkles her nose, "Thanks for that."

I grimace myself and then try to apologise.

She shakes her head fiercely. "No. Don't. I know, I _know, _I've told you before how I became like this; rape. It's okay if you're afraid now, sweetie."

I shake and shiver harder and start to cry, just little hiccupping sobs. I think of what Edward did to me, his face, his eyes, the same yet so unfamiliar. Something was different, something had him wound up tonight.

Paul had been right, he wasn't a normal guy. Normal guys would be mad if I had cheated, Edward's reaction went beyond that; it was supernatural. I close my eyes tightly and clench my jaw shut trying to tame the tremors.

The door opens again and my eyes pop open worriedly.

Emmett's large form fills the frame. He glances down to the vomit and screws up his face, "Thanks for that."

And then he grins at me. "Nice bra and panties set, Bella."

I gape at him and then my eyes dart down to my cloth-less body. I freeze. Somebody must have taken me out of them to see my injuries better because that is all I can focus on.

Dark purple, almost black bruises coat my hips, thighs and lower stomach. I gasp and then start to sob once again. _Oh Edward; what had he done?_

Emmett moves closer to us and shuts the door behind him, "Fuck, Rose! Cover her up. She doesn't need this shit. And she's fucking freezing!"

I sob harder as I feel a cotton sheet being placed on top of my ruined body and then tucked around me. The tremors subside a little but my sobs don't lessen.

"M-my b-o-ody, h-uu-rt-s…" I try to tell them that I am in pain. That I want to go home. That I want a shower. That one I manage, "S-shower." Emmett raises a brow to Rosalie and she unfolds from her sitting position and moves towards me. Emmett disappears for a moment but then returns with a bucket of what looks like steaming water and some wash clothes.

"You let Rosie help you to a bath, ya hear! I'mma take on this mess." He gestures to the side of the bed and then I turn back to Rosalie.

She shoots me a tentative smile and then lifts me gently from the bed. The sheet ensures that our skin makes no direct contact but I can still feel the cold through it. My teeth chatter as she walks me into the en suite. I clench them together in hopes to get them to stop.

Rosalie lowers me onto the vanity and then turns to the tub. She snorts in humour and then runs the taps, "This is the most this place has been used in all the months we've lived here, Bella." I nod at her but don't talk. If I opened my mouth my teeth would start chattering again.

She pours a little oil into the tub and then adds some bubble bath and puts them back on a shelf. She turns towards me and reaches for me. My hands shake too much for me to undress myself so I don't bother.

I close my eyes as she undresses me, I don't want to see the marks that I know are tainting my body. Once I'm naked, Rosalie lifts me gently and then lowers me into the tub. I moan as the hot water caresses me.

It's almost a thing now. She washes my back and my shoulders using a loofah and applies just the right amount of pressure. She reaches past me and shuts off the taps. "Is that okay now, sweetie?"

I nod, I am warmer. But there was still the cluster fuck that was my life. I didn't even know where to begin.

As if reading my thoughts Rosalie sighs behind me. "Carlisle would like to see you after, Bella. He wants to make sure you're… okay and then Emmett and I will take you home."

"O-okay." I whisper. She exits the bathroom and I sigh to myself and sink lower in the tub.

Why? Why did this have to happen? Did I really have anyone to blame? This one was on me, all my fault. If I had stopped myself from being with Jacob then this never would have happened. He'd still be my friend and I'd still be with Edward and neither of their hearts would be broken.

_Edward._

I sigh again as silent tears slip down my cheeks.

Something wasn't right. He never, ever acted like that. I couldn't be sure what had caused that reaction. Was it really just my scent or was it the jealousy? Or was it a mixture of both along with the thoughts of carnal pleasure that had him aroused.

Sex and blood. That seemed to be vampires in a nutshell. And Edward had spent the last 109 years denying himself both in different ways.

Was the prospect of having them both at the same time too overwhelming for him, had that made him snap? More importantly, was I afraid of him?

I think about what it might be like to see him again and then I frown at myself.

Of course I still wanted to see him, to apologise and to see if he was okay. I- I still loved him. I knew by now he'd be feeling guilty and distraught with his actions. Alice would probably… wait.

Where was Alice? And where had she been when all this had been going down? I frown, something was definitely wrong. She was most likely to be the first to stop Edward and after that to stay with me and make sure I was alright.

I am pulled by my thoughts when the bathroom door opens. Rosalie gives me a look and then lets out a breath and smiles at me, "You look more relaxed." I nod shakily and the take a deep breath.

"Rose? Where is Alice?"

She glances at me from the corner of her eye and then continues to place some clean clothes down on the vanity, "She went out for a while. She'll be back soon." I try to meet her gaze but she avoids me. She bends and grabs a fresh towel from a closet in the corner.

"W-why? I thought maybe she'd…"

Rosalie turns to face me abruptly, "If I was you, I wouldn't even bother with her. She obviously can't be trusted."

I frown, "What do you mean?"

She just shakes her head and holds out the towel for me. I pull out the stopper and stand, wincing as I do. I don't dare glance down at me body and neither does Rose. She stares at my face and then wraps me up in the towel. I go to walk out but she rolls her eyes at me and sweeps me up into her arms.

We make our back into her bedroom. It is spotless. The carpet looks brand new. I dress quickly and Rose places me back in the centre of the bed. I want to ask her about Alice again. As if sensing this she quickly distracts me. "Carlisle wants to check on you now, can he come in?"

I nod hesitantly and her fierce expression melts into one of sympathy, "I can stay if you'd like?"

"Yes please," I say in a tiny voice. She smiles gently and then leaves the room. I close my eyes and take in a series of deep breaths and then relax against the pillows that have been propped against the headboard.

Just as I am about to fall asleep, the door opens. Rosalie returns followed by a hesitant looking Carlisle. He gives me his doctor's smile and approaches the bed slowly. He perches by my right and I sit up a little straighter and wince as I do.

"First of all, I would like to sincerely apologise for Edward's actions, Bella…" I shake my head.

"Not your fault."

He nods, "Yes, well. Let me check your vitals and then I'm going to need to have a look at those bruises."

I sigh and let him go about his business. Rose stands near the door almost as if she's guarding it. After a while Carlisle sits back in his original position, "Well your vitals are fine. You seem calmer now than before. The fear caused your blood pressure to rise quite high but it has returned to normal now." I nod and he smiles at me. "I'm going to check your bruises now, Bella."

Slowly, I rise from the bed and remove the sweats, I am still in my underwear but I feel uncomfortable; exposed.

I don't dare look down at my tainted body, even Carlisle freezes before continuing his examination. He pokes and prods and I hiss in pain each time. After a while he clears his throat and removes his gloves. I put my sweats back on and sit on the bed.

"I have some ointment to rub on your bruises, you also have a few… scratches on your neck. The skin wasn't pierced much but it will take at least three weeks for these marks to disappear." I nod and he touches my shoulder and then goes to make his way out.

Rosalie shuts the door behind him and comes to sit beside me, "Are you okay?"

Silent tears fall down my cheeks, I shake my head and she takes my right hand and squeezes it. She retrieves my converse and then helps me into them.

"Emmett and I are gonna take you home, but before that we have to talk to you. Carlisle is waiting downstairs."

I rise from the bed shakily and let her help me downstairs. We make our way into the main room and I frown as I notice it is mostly empty.

Emmett is stood in front of the roaring fire and Carlisle is perched on the arm of the recliner.

They both smile as we approach. I sit on the couch and Rosalie takes a seat beside me. Carlisle clears his throat, "So, I am guessing that you have many questions, Bella."

I nod and he gestures for me to ask them, "I know that tonight Edward acted out of character, why is that? Something has changed. Apart from the obvious, what is different?"

Carlisle glances down for a moment and then meets my gaze, "Your scent is different."

My brow furrows, "What do you mean?"

"Somehow it is more… enhanced. You are his singer and he lost control for a moment."

I shake my head, "There had to be more to it than that. My scent has always affected him. I _know _that. This was different."

Carlisle and Emmett share a look, my frown deepens, "Where is everyone else?"

Emmett answers me this time, "Ed left." My heart stutters and then begins to pound in pain. Emmett looks panicked, "No that's not what I meant! He wanted to get away for a few days."

"Oh…" I say and then focus on the carpet.

"Bella?" I glance back up to Emmett, he has a disgusted look on his face. "Alice went with him." He spits out.

I heave a massive sigh, "Why? I thought she'd be the first one to stop Edward at the time. The one who would stay here and look after me. Why is she gone?"

Carlisle hangs his head in shame, "It was partly her fault too."

"What?"

"The reason Edward behaved the way he did, it was partly her fault." He meets my eyes fully, "Bella Edward was not about to drain you." I snort and Carlisle looks shocked. Emmett chuckles but quietens when Rose gives him a look. She squeezes my hand again. "He wanted to turn you. His emotions were in a flurry. Jasper told us that much. His obvious… arousal, his love for you and your enhance scent made him lose his control for a moment."

"But why didn't he want to drain me then?"

Carlisle strokes a finger across his bottom lip and appears deep in thought. "I think he told you once that your blood had less of an effect on him."

I nod, "Yes, when we came back from Volterra. He said losing me had… changed things."

"That's right."

I frown some more, they were telling me nothing in so many words. "So, what part did Alice play in this?"

"Firstly I want to apologise in advance, Bella." I nod at Carlisle and he takes a deep (unnecessary) breath. "You were in a lot of pain when Edward was… with you in his room. And you were thinking of how to make it stop. And for a split second, subconsciously, you must have decided that you wanted him to turn you. When he had his teeth against your neck."

I try to think back, but I can't. Maybe there had been a tiny second when I had just begged for that instead of what he was doing to me.

"So what?"

"Alice had a vision."

I snap my gaze to his and he looks guilty. "She had vision that in the next minute or so you were going to beg to be changed. And that Edward was going to grant you that. He was going to change you."

I'm frozen on the couch. I think I even stop breathing. Subconsciously or no, I… no. I still had to _graduate! _What were they thinking?

"Why didn't anybody try to stop Edward?" I ask shakily, afraid to know the answer, afraid to trust them. I pull my hand from Rosalie's grip and fold mine on my lap.

"She fought us Bella." Emmett answers my question. I glance up at his face; he is not lying. "She fought every single one of us, damn near ripped Rose's arms off." He growls low in his throat. "Jas could feel your panic and your fear, by the time we figured out what was going on with Alice she was already dead set on that vision becoming reality."

I gasp and shake my head, "How could she? She's my best friend!"

Rosalie tentatively pats my shoulder, I don't shrug her off. "She may play your best friend Bella. But in reality, she and Edward are closest. She does what she does to benefit him. And only him."

I think back over everything. It makes sense. Everything she has done has been because of Edward. For him. Their move back to Forks had even been because of him. Because Alice had _seen _me.

"I- I think I need to go home."

Carlisle rises and nods, "I understand." He rummages in his doctor's bag and pulls out a bag containing some kind of ointment and some pills. "Painkillers." He states and then hands them over. I clutch them to my chest and go to make my way out. Emmett and Rose follow me.

"Bella?" Carlisle calls out. I turn to him and he holds out an envelope. "This is from Edward, perhaps it will help with your healing." I take it from him and add it to the items in my hands and then continue out.

Rosalie helps me into the car and sits in the back whilst Emmett drives. We travel in silence. Everything runs through my mind over and over again. I feel ill, really sick.

It's another five minutes before we pull up at my house. My truck is parked there alongside the cruiser. Charlie must be home.

Before I can exit the car Rosalie stops me, "I put my cell number in your phone Bella, here." She hands me the phone and I take it from her.

"Mine too!" Emmett grins at me from the rear view mirror. "You need us. You call."

I nod and then exit the car. They wait until I am inside until they drive away. I drop the pills and my phone on the bottom step and then make my way into the living room. Charlie is sat there, beer in hand with the game blasting from the TV.

"Bells." He says in greeting and then turns to me to shoot me a smile. He double takes and then drops his beer onto the table, mutes the game and stands.

"What in god's name happened to you?!" he yells.

I flinch and then whimper, and then I sob. I almost fall to the ground but Charlie rushes me and catches me. He moves us towards the couch and then sits me down next to him. He grasps me around the shoulders and pulls me into him. I rest my head on his shoulder and he rocks me back and forth.

"Shh, shh, baby girl. Hush now."

He comforts me some more and then pulls me back to see my face. He brings up a hand and wipes awkwardly at my snotty nose. "Tell me what's wrong, Bella."

I stare at him. I can see him becoming frustrated, thinking I was about to give him some lame ass excuse like I had been ever since the Cullen's had come into my life.

So this time, I decide to be most truthful.

"I- I slept with Jake…"

Charlie's brows travel to his hairline and his face turns purple. "Dad, breathe…"

He takes in a deep breath and then clenches his jaw, "So you two are together now?"

I shake my head, releasing more tears, "No. but Edward found out and he's… gone away for a while and I broke Jake's heart, dad. But it- it feels like my heart is breaking too…"

"Shh honey, shh. You made a mistake."

I shake my head fiercely, "Being with Jake wasn't a mistake. I love him."

Charlie cringes, "But you love Edwin, too." I don't correct him, I don't have the energy. Charlie runs a finger down his moustache, "Sounds pretty complicated to me."

I almost roll my eyes. But something else begs for my attention. "Dad, I think I'm gonna be sick."

I jump up and run for the stairs, almost trip on the items I left at the bottom there and then finally make it to the bathroom. I sink down in front of the toilet and vomit bile.

~IP~

A whole week later and I was yet to hear from Edward. I guessed time really was the best healer, because I was ready to forgive him. I had read his letter. He had explained everything that Carlisle had in more detail. He had even promised me that Alice was sorry and that she was filled with guilt and remorse. She had also apologised and begged for my forgiveness.

I was ready to forgive them both. I wanted to forgive them. They couldn't help what they were, I knew the risks when I got involved with them.

I also hadn't spoken to any of the pack members.

But with most of the Cullen's gone (Esme had gone to be with Edward for parental support and Jasper would follow Alice anywhere) the wolves had sort of joined forces with them.

Every night I would look out of my window and find a glowing pair of eyes staring back at me, I never invited them in and they never invited themselves.

The only one I had kept contact with was Seth, he told me all about them working together with the Cullen's and how everyone was doing, even about Jacob. It hurt to hear how he barely ate and slept. How he chased Victoria until he collapsed day in and day out.

Eventually after the two week marker Seth told me that he couldn't speak to me anymore. He told me that the pack had found out and that Paul had broken his arm. Leah was forbidding our contact.

I understood; but it still hurt.

School was the worst. The rumours started immediately. Everybody thought the Cullen's had left again. Of course that one was shot in the neck when Emmett pulled his massive truck into the lot and gave me a rib-crushing hug. He declared to the entire parking lot that he had missed me during his time at 'college'.

So this lead to more rumours, which went something like; I had broken up with Edward, that Edward had broken up with me, that he had cheated on me. I winced at that one.

By the three week marker they still hadn't returned. I half expected them to at least make it to graduation but as the principle called out their names, silence followed.

"Isabella Swan!" he called out and I carefully stood in my gown and made my way across the stage. I glanced briefly out in the crowd to find Charlie clapping proudly… and Billy sat next to him. I almost broke down sobbing.

At the end of the ceremony I tried to find him but Charlie told me that Sam had been waiting for him in the truck and that he had taken off as soon as I'd crossed the stage.

We ate at the Lodge, Charlie chattered to other parents and beamed at me proudly. Renee couldn't make it, Phil had broken his ankle and she wouldn't have been able to travel with him.

As Charlie drove us home after our meal, we were both silent.

I exit the truck and make my way to the front door. Once we are both inside Charlie turns to, a sheepish expression on his face, "Ah, Bells? Sue kind of invited me over tonight. You mind if I…"

I shake my head trying to hold back tears. I had thought we were going to eat too much popcorn and watch home movies all night but apparently my father had a life. I shoot him a tiny smile, "Go, have fun."

He gives me a grateful look and then heads out, locking the door behind him.

I try to watch TV but there was nothing on. I shut off all the appliances and head upstairs to the bathroom. I strip out of my dress and then walk into my room. I pull out some sweats and a sleep shirt and then put them on.

Just as I am pulling the shirt over my head the air shimmers around me. I pull it down my torso, the bruises have now disappeared.

I turn carefully, afraid for a moment and then I am facing the window.

Edward is stood there.

He looks haunted as he gazes at me, but the longing is clear on his face too.

"You missed graduation." I say.

He crumbles at the sound of my voice. "Oh, love."

I rush him. He embraces me muttering how sorry he is and begging for my forgiveness. I shake my head against him. Relishing in his cool touch, a touch I have missed so much. I sob a little and then pull away from him.

"I forgive you, Edward."

He gazes at me in shock and then cups my face, "You do?"

I nod and then cup his face to and bring him down for a chaste kiss. My heart rate accelerates and all too soon he pulls away, "And yes." I add, waiting for his reaction.

He frowns, "'Yes', what love?"

I smile as happy tears slip down my cheeks and kiss him once more.

"Yes, I'll marry you."

**A/N: Please review and please don't hate me. Have faith in me! I will fix this!**


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